the stitches of my heart

huge

2009-09-30T00:08:00.000-07:00

lately, God has been revealing himself to me a whole lot. He is so big, He works so mysteriously, yet obviously. He is full of grace, and beauty and is never lacking in anything. He works in His own time to create a masterpiece. He is God.

He has captivated me, once again.

He is huge.

May He use me however He needs; i am nothing without Him.

I am excited to see what the Lord has in store this year. He has placed me in a lifegroup with 6 others, and He has already blown me away with the way He moves in people. its incredible! He leaves me standing here with my mouth open, craving more of Him and less of me. It is obvious to see His hand in all of His creation.

i pray that i will listen to Him constantly.

-L

i pin them to my fingerless gloves, i wear you all day.

2009-09-22T14:35:00.001-07:00

here is what has been in my head the past few days. you really cant go wrong with them. and because of my deep love for autumn and later, winter i like to find music that brings about the same feeling that the cold weather does. and i believe these bands are perfection when it comes to capturing that.

horse feathers is what happens when a bluegrass guitar and violin meets a haunting cello and saw. they are so great. they make me want to run through a forest :)
if lisa hannigan lived in denton, tx she would be my best friend. she is a beautiful irish woman who sings from the soul. her music is refreshing and nostalgic! listen to her.
if you haven't heard this guys music before, you need to go to his myspace. his name is Jeff Pianki and he is a sweet, raw guitarist/banjo genius/xylophonist who makes brilliant music that you can feel. its excellent, and his humility seeps through his songs. check him out.
Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. i recently just re-watched once and was reminded of how real these people are and how music is just a part of them. p.s- they have a new album coming out. YAY!
i have always loved them, but they just keep getting better and better. Fleet Foxes. i love their music because nature is leaking from all of their songs, its incredible!

i love finding Jesus in music.

im so thankful that the Lord gave me ears.

-L

all i ask is that i can wear my winter coat before thanksgiving.

2009-09-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

i belong in cold weather; i love it way too much. i look forward to it each summer and miss it when it turns to spring. the chilly air, the grey-blue sky and the fallen leaves, the way the mountains look topped with snow; they all bring me an indescribable sense of comfort.

winter is a time of healing, warmth and growth. in the winter i want to escape to a forest lay down in the frozen leaves...im in love. winter, come quickly!

verse of the day:

Isaiah 40:3-5

"A voice of one calling: 'In the desert prepare the way for the Lord; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.'"

i love that the Lord gives us seasons and landscape to admire. for He is the creator of all good things.

-L

it has been a while, but the Lords faithfulness is unchanging.

2009-09-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

a song that has been running through me lately:

I feel you in the pocket of my overcoat
My fingers wrap around your words
And take the shape of games we play

I feed your words through my buttonholes
I bring them to my fingerless gloves
Green and prone to fraying

I keep you in the pockets of my dresses
And the bristles of my brushes
Spin you into my curls today

I spoon you into my coffee cup
Spin you through a delicate wash
I wear you all day
I wear you all day

Thoughts of you, warm my bones

Im on my way, im on the phone

Lets get lost, me and you

An ocean and a rock is nothing to me.

Ocean and a Rock by Lisa Hannigan, a beautiful irish woman whose words pierce my soul!

-L

getting rid of the ants in my pants

2009-05-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

that is such an old phrase; ants in your pants. and i have never officially known exactly what it means. but lately, it has been the theme of my life. getting rid of the ants in my pants.

as of late, i have begun to realize what the next few months of my life entail. graduating, working, traveling, moving- all of these things seem so exciting and new that i just find myself constantly dwelling on them and how badly i want them to be the present. i am getting tired of being in one spot, and doing only one thing. im ready to be free.

i have been focusing most of my thoughts on the above things, and while they are really exciting, they are also placed cleverly in the future by the hands of God. the Lord knows that i am not ready to experience these things right now, and he has put them in their own specific place in my future.

im learning that there is no need to be discontent or frustrated at my current situation in life. i should be praising my God with every waking moment and breath i expel for his timing and faithfulness.

i know that one day i will get to experience, and enjoy many awesome things that the Lord has laid out for me. but for now, i need to focus on getting rid of the ants in my pants, and instead leaving it all up to my Father.

-L

as my heart sings, i am filled with love.

2009-02-24T20:19:00.000-08:00

lately, i have been understanding love. true, undying love. and i have been learning that it can only come from Jesus. and even if i say that i have love inside of me, my love is nothing of me. its all because of Him.

i want to share love with everyone i encounter. at school, at church, at a coffee shop or on the street. i have this intense need to share every last drop of love i have to people that i meet, but it has been much more difficult than i could ever imagine. i thought 'if i want to love people, then all i have to do is get out there and do it', but it is not seeming to work out that way. i lose my sense of direction for loving people and my passion very easily. i run dry. its almost like i forgot how to truly love someone. but this weekend God showed me that i cannot love someone, anyone, on my own. it doesn't matter if i have known them for 6 years or i have just met them 6 minutes ago, i cannot love people on my own.

i especially learned this lesson over the summer in austria. im just going to be honest, it was sometimes hard to love people over there. but by the third or fourth day i figured it out. the only way i would be able to last the day was if i woke up and prayed for God's love to pour out on me so that i might share it generously with the teenagers at the camp. and you know what happened? every morning when i woke up, and asked for God's love in my heart, i found myself loving in a way i never knew was possible...at least on my own that is.

in saying all of this, God is showing me love. true love. how to love like Him.

this weekend i was blessed to be able to travel to my most favorite place in the world (i havent been to many places in the world, but people, i just know that colorado beats them all), colorado to see my honey. his name is stiles christner, and he is my hearts companion. stiles has a confidence in the Lord that i admire so much, and he truly follows the Lords footsteps. he never creates footsteps for himself, he just walks along the path that has already been made for him. he leads our relationship in a way that i know is chasing after our Savior; stiles pushes me towards our one true love. every morning i find myself waking up with a thankful heart, and i immediately thank my Jesus for him. he has left a imprint on my heart forever. lately, as in this semester especially, stiles has been alot more expressive to me of his love. i cant go a day without him telling me that he loves me more than 10 times. and the thing about stiles is that i know he really, truly means every word, every time he says it. i would always respond back, i' love you too', but i just knew that i wasn't on the same level as him. but this weekend, when i went to visit him, i realized what it is to love stiles. it is not of me. it is a love that only God can pour into my heart. stiles isn't loving me with his own love, he is loving me with the overflow of Gods love in his heart. im so thankful that God showed me that. i dont have to worry about how much i am loving others, or if i am loving them enough. all the love i give is from my Father, and with my Father ruling my heart i have nothing to worry about.

this weekend me and stiles also recorded a song for a c.d. we were asked a few weeks before if we would want to, and of course we took that offer up. after we recorded that song, i saw what a great opportunity hopeful music is in this world of corrupted songs. i want to do music with my life, i desire to share the things God lays on my heart with other people through lyrics and music. i know that music is what God is calling me to do, i feel it so strongly. im so looking forward to the day when the Lord plants words in my heart to share with the world. im so ready. i want to be used in every way possible to love others with the love that only Christ can give.

this recent discovery of love has led me to another mode of thinking:

this morning while i was getting ready i heard a man on the radio talking about ultimate obedience. i dont remember the exact words he used but this is the jist, 'true obedience to God is when you would give up the most desired thing of your heart to simple obey God'. that cut deep in my heart. it hit me in the most tender spot. would i really give up my deepest desire to obey God? not merely worship Him, but just obey Him? i honestly do not know. i would love to say yes, but i know that is not the case. im not discouraged by that though, i know that when i pray through things like that and ask for the Lords guidance, i will surely learn. that man inspired me to live my life in a way that involves leaving myself behind and diving head first into Him. i want to be consumed and engulfed in Him and His love.

i want to obey my Lord with everything in me, and i want to love like never before.

so that His name is forever glorified and that we changed by Him,

Lauren

pouring it out (short)

2009-02-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

right now im wishing i could write a humoungsly long blog about life, love and everything in between...

the sunshine is my friend

2009-01-17T14:32:00.000-08:00

the sunshine is my friend: it loves me, and i love it back. maybe its the vitamin D that my body absorbs from it, or how it warms me up on a cold day, or how it is so bright and sort of draws me in. im not sure what it is about the sun, but it is magnificent.

sunshine, you are my sunshine.

you make me happy, when skies are gray.

you'll never know dear, how much i love you.

please don't take my sunshine away.

let's slow it down

2009-01-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

i cant stand the way we move so fast these days, lets slow down.

we chop down all our trees, we sell our souls for gasoline to burn.

and i cant stand always, but whose to say i'm not the one to blame as well.

and its a shame you say but life's too short to change this face.

beggars beg for change, cause coins aren't cheap and life's not free out there.

and i'm afraid to give too much to people i don't know enough about.

and i cant stand always but whose to say i'm not the one to blame as well.

and its a shame you say but life's too short to change this face.

a song by Jeff Pianki.

i feel that i am most affected by music, and lyrics more than anything. this song may not on the surface seem to hold much heavenly meaning, but after you listen to it a few times, you can start to relate it not only to yourself, and the world today, but to how Jesus' love can affect us. for instance, the part about the beggar, and how he is afraid to give too much to someone he doesn't know. isn't that what Christ calls us to do? to give all we have for His sake? those two lines mean so much more than a beggar wanting money (or to me at least). its a reminder, that sure its scary to give away things that belong to us, or even our time. but even though it may be hard, we should see giving ourselves up for someone else as a sweet offering to our Savior (who just happened to give everything he had, and was, up for us). the first two lines are so true, as well. we move so fast these days, we spend so much money, and time, on things that probably don't even have an eternal importance. they may seem sweet, and full of opportunity, but its the small things like having a conversation with someone at a coffee shop that will refresh your soul. jeff also points out that he is guilty of these things too, and that he is to blame just as much as the next guy, just like you and me. i used this song as an inspiration for my blog today, because it is so short and sweet, but oh so deep :) besides, i don't think Jesus would want us moving so fast, that we don't have time for those sweet, small things.

a beating heart

2009-01-12T20:12:00.000-08:00

If I could not hold a pen
I would write of You on my heart instead
You have bought me with Your blood
And I am painted red by Your love

If I could not say a word
My life would speak of love I don't deserve
Hope means holding on to You
Grace means You're holding me too

- JJ Heller

JJ Heller has always had a way of speaking to my soul through her music. her music is so simply crafted, that i am left feeling clean, and refreshed after listening. this song especially has a way with my heart because it speaks so much truth. if i could not hold a pen, i would write of you on my heart instead. it reminds me that our heart is a journal to God. we can reach Him anytime with this journal, and it holds every hope and dream, worry and fear we have ever thought of. you have bought me with your blood, and i am painted red, by your love. His love humbles and completes us. if i could not say a word, my life would speak of love i dont deserve. my life is a reflection of Jesus in my heart. i want to be so consumed by Him that it just pours over into my life, and to the people around me. Hope means holding onto you, grace means your holding me too. we have hope in our savior and we trust Him with all that we are. we grab ahold of his hand, and find safety and refuge that cannot be found anywhere but in Him. He showers us with grace, and mercies anew every morning. how beautifully simple.

this year, i will follow Him with all that i am.